Bye bye Calcutta...

On the last day in the city of Joy, which has incidentally, also been my home for 23 long years, here is a conversation between me, my mind and my heart...

Mind: Seems like the clocks have stopped ticking. Feels like I am in some Black Hole, where time doesn't change.....

Heart: Is it because today is our last evening at Calcutta that I am feeling this way? Is it because I am very very excited about "life" for the next two years and thereafter? Well, prima facie, it does appear so... But is it actually the case? Well, I did delve deep into myself to find out what has involuntarily increased my rate of work.

Mind: It is, let me tell you, not excitement. It is not the thrill and exuberance. Rather, I am afraid, it is what in common language known as tension.

Me: What are you both talking? I am not able to follow...

Mind: Yes, it is the anxiety, worry, stress that is sending shivers down the spine of Anurag. Do I sound crazy? Maybe. But let me explain why I say so. I have brains after all...

Heart: Wait wait. Let me say that in no way am I afraid to accept challenges. And in no way am I interested in shying away from tremendous pressure. But then, the "horror stories" that I get to hear about IIMA is enough to make anyone palpitate with worry. I am a heart after all. It is "considered" an achievement if you survive the first year there. I have heard(and would verify it myself soon) that umpteen times.


Me: Yes that is true. Students, all of them who are like me, in the first year, often say "Kahaan phans gaye yaar!!!". Such is the fear that the rigourous academics of IIMA strikes terror at the heart of any MBA student.

Mind: Leave the academics. What about the placements? Which company would recruit me? What subject should I major in? I have always heard Anurag "crowing" that he wants to take up Finance. But the truth is that he knows nothing of Finance. Marketing? Did you say marketing? After two years of course, the first job involving marketing would be to roam around in the "rural-est" areas and do surveys and sell toothpastes to people who have never heard of brushing ones teeth. I know that is not very dear to Anurag's heart. Heart, what say??

Heart: Completely agreed boss. Marketing is not dear to me.

Anurag: Job after engineering is always cool, especially when it is there in mind that you would be pursuing higher studies. Atleast it was for me.

Mind: But now, after MBA...where to? Which company to join? Or rather, which company would consider me fit enough to be paid something? These are the questions, which is there in the minds of most of Anurag's would be batchmates... at least the ones whom I have made acquaintances with.

Heart: I am terrified...to say the least, and dear Mind, you know pretty well, that you may lie, but I wouldn't.

Me: Arey why worry yaar!!! Let us face the difficult challenge in front of us. Let us see what lies in store for us in the future. We have been together, reached till this point, now why wouldn't we be able to move further from here?

Heart: But...

Mind: Yes, I do agree with you Anurag. In fact, Heart had made me feel a bit tensed. You know I should not be allowed to withstand too much pressure. I need rest. May I request you, Anurag, that you may kindly go to sleep early tonight, so that I remain fresh tomorrow?

Me: Sure, of course, I would do that. After all, till date, I have always listened to you, and there is no reason why I shouldn't do it in future.

Mind: Thank a lot dude...

Anurag: Arey why fear?? Havent you seen that ad of that soft drink..." Darr to sabko lagta hai...gala sabka sookhta hai... par darr se mat daro...uske aage badho...kyunki...darr ke aage jeet hai..."

Mind: Exactly, I agree with you...

Heart: But....

Me: Now Heart... just stop thinking... but of course ..dont stop working!!!!


And the wait for tomorrow continues...

The art of being witty…

Have you ever thought about the uncanny connection between fame and wit? The famous—or the notorious, and often it’s the same person—are frequently credited with a pleasing though perplexing sense of humour. Not of the ha-ha variety but more literary. They turn their phrases with such cleverness their aphorisms are remembered long after they are themselves forgotten. In fact, often it’s what they have said that is the cause of their fame.

With the help of several newspapers and of course the Internet, I have compiled a collection of witticisms that could be usefully purloined and passed on. I recommend them and if you use them they are bound to impress.

The best often come from Winston Churchill. He had a style of saying things none of us can improve on. Consider this as a way of putting someone down: “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire”. Or, better still: “A modest little person with much to be modest about”.

Equally pithy and apposite was Oscar Wilde. Of an acquaintance he did not regard highly, he said: “He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends”. Of himself, he’s alleged to have commented: “Falling in love with oneself is the start of a life long romance”. Of those he disliked:” Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go”.

By and large, it’s the British who have this wonderful knack for tongue-in-cheek humour. George Bernard Shaw once sent Churchill two tickets for the opening night of a new play with a note which read: “For you and a friend—if you have one”. Churchill replied:”I can’t make the first night but I’ll be there for the second—if there is one”.

It may surprise you to discover that Americans can be equally clever with their wit. Amongst the best is Mark Twain. Consider this: “I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it”. Or: “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?” But my favourite is this description of a friend by Forrest Tucker: “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him”.

Now here are a few you could bandy about at a party or cast in the direction of those you want to snub. Believe it or not, they were dreamt up by politicians. Talleyrand, Napoleon’s foreign minister, once said of a woman: “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yields easily”. Paul Keating, who was Prime Minister of Australia in the 1990s, said of an opponent: “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up”.

Occasionally actors can drum up enough wit to say something memorable. Thus Robert Redford: “He has the attention span of a lightening bolt”. Or William Kerr, on a playwright who never cast him: “he had delusions of adequacy”.

Even under-graduates can score points with their repartee. The Union Societies at Cambridge and Oxford are full of delightful examples. One of my favourites is this gentle dig which I recommend to our politicians. We would say of a particularly frivolous opponent: “He’s a very well balanced man with a chip on both shoulders”. Or borrow from the good Rev. Spooner and call him a “shining wit”!

Ultimately, of course, one has to return to Oscar Wilde. The sheer pithyness and the incredible expanse of his wit is hard to beat. Just look at the sweep and twists of his random collection: “There’s only one thing in the world that is worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about”; “I have nothing to declare except my genius”; “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it”; “Work is the curse of the drinking classes”.

Even incarcerated in Reading Jail, he said of his condition: “If this is the way Queen Victoria treats her convicts she doesn’t deserve to have any”. And of the rue whose suspiciously deliberate indiscretions got on his nerves: “I hope you have not been leading a double life—pretending to be wicked but being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy”

But of course, you can’t end without quoting Winston Churchill. On a certain occasion in the House, when a debate had reached almost its boiling point, a lady from the opposition stood up and said: “Mr. Churchill, believe me, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your tea”. Silence. The entire House was pin drop silent. Mr. Churchill stood up slowly and said: “My dear lady, if you were my wife, I would surely drink that tea”!!!

Again, in another instance, during a very heated debate in the British Parliament, Churchill lost his control, and shouted at the top of his voice: “Mr. Speaker, half the members of this house are fools”, referring to the opposition. The opposition was aghast, and demanded apology. Churchill thought for sometime and then said: “Mr. Speaker Sir, it was just a slip of my tongue. All I wanted to say was, half the members of this house are wise!!” The entire house stood up and clapped for 2 minutes…

With exactly seven days left before I formally join IIMA, I hope that I get the profs who are brilliant in their sense of humour… so that I could add a few more to this list…

Last Sunday at Home....Bread Rolls and Accounts

The day started off with my getting up at 7:30 “sharp” in the morning. Unusual, because I am an early bird. Now normally when I get up after 7 in the morning, my mom shouts and yells at me, heaves a million angry words on me and says how lazy and lethargic I have become…(considering the fact that with the rising inflation in the Indian economy…my tummy has also started inflating)

To my surprise, my mom did not shout today. She just came up to me, and in a silent voice said,” Bahut achchha kar raha hai, jeevan mein bahut pragati karega!!!!”… I was surprised that why didn’t my mother start in the usual way. But even before I could get hold of my real eyes (my specs, for I am blind without them), I knew that my mom had not changed. She then started shouting at me, the usual way. I hurriedly got up and rushed to the washroom, not perhaps due to the emergency call of the Nature, but to fend myself from my mom’s wrath…

The newspapers had come (newspapers…plural…because we take 5 of them on Sundays…). My mother’s anger had not ceded. The scene between me and my mummy is just like the usual Tom and Jerry show, with me being poor Jerry.

“Kahaan management karne jaa raha hai!!! Kya management padhega!!! Jisko apna time manage karna nahin aata, who kya manage karega!!!” , she said, in her tone which told me that she was still angry at my being a late riser for the day…… I knew I had no way to escape…

Time: Sunday Afternoon (from 2:30 onwards)

I was working in my papa’s laptop, making some documents for him, preparing some Income & Expenditure statement, Capital Account statement and the big one—the Balance Sheet.

With so many numbers and figures…and debit/credit, assets/liabilities and all those Greek terms, my head was in a tizzy!!! I have made several Balance Sheets, and my achievement lies in the fact that I have never been able to equate the Assets and Liabilities side of the Balance Sheet (any “jaankaar” of basic Accounts would tell you that this is a must, otherwise your Balance Sheet is flawed). And the worst thing is, both my parents are exponents in Accountancy… My dad is a CA… and mom is an M.Com. And poor me… an ordinary Electrical Engineer and would be MBA (from IIMA…yes that is the only thing I have to flaunt about myself). They just don’t understand why I can’t “understand” Accounts. Whenever I make mistakes in Accounts, my mom just pounces on me… laughs at me and says to my dad,” Haha, kya management karega(the same old thing)…isko to Accounts bhi nahin aata….Rupaya-paisa kaise sambhalega?? Isko to koi bhi budhdhhu bana dega… Lallu kahiin ka!!!”

It is a different matter though that I often deliberately make mistakes … just in order to make my mom smile and laugh… for the simple reason that she is the one whom I actually love in my life…for she is someone who has sacrificed everything..Her happiness..her joys…even her career… just for the sake of her children… that is for the two “nalayaks” and “monkeys”.

I know even if I try my best, I can never repay her the love that she has showered on me… but yes…wow…she is ready with my favourite bread rolls… it is simple in preparation… and one of my favourite snacks… and I gobbled up 4 large pieces…even though my tummy was not so demanding…

Now my mom started saying,” IIMA mein jayega to theek se rahega to?? Thik se khaana peena karega to?? Doodh do time peena… fruits khana… zyaada junk food mat khana… hey Ram!!! Kaise manage karega?? Budhdhhu sa to hai…”.

I got somewhat irritated and said, ”ooff!!! I am 23 years old!!! I am gonna study management at IIMA!!! Why are you doing like this?? I am grown up!!!”

To this she said, “arey tu kitna bhi bada kyun na ho jaye…mere liye hamesha budhdhhu bachcha hi rahega”

Wow!!! I wish every Sunday were like that…

IIT-Delhi sacks 12 SC/ST students, under probe

http://www.ibnlive.com/news/iitdelhi-sacks-12-scst-students-under-probe/67114-3.html

New Delhi: The Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi, (IIT-Delhi) may be heading for a messy quota controversy.

The National Commission for Scheduled Castes and Scheduled Tribes has sought an explanation from the director of the institute after 12 undergraduate SC/ST students were asked to leave because of poor performance.

The 12 students have told the commission they were discriminated against and instead of being given special coaching they were asked to attend extra curricular activities.

A student has alleged that a professor at the institute told him said he wasn't doing well in his studies because he was from the SC/ST category.

“We will investigate the students’ allegations and then make a decision,” said Buta Singh, chairperson of the SC/ST Commission.

The institute’s deputy director, Prof Bijendra Jain, rejected the allegations and insisted that the students were asked to leave solely because of their poor performance.

“If certain students cannot perform then we cannot have them,” said Jain. “The commission has the authority to seek an explanation from IIT-Delhi why so many SC/ST students have been asked to leave.

Interestingly, the institute has never asked so many students to leave because of poor performance. “Unfortunately, this year the number of students who have been asked to leave because of poor performance is little to large. Generally, the number is five to eight but the total number of students who have been asked to leave is around 20. It is unfortunate that 12 of those 20 students belong to the SC/ST,” said Jain.

Jain said IIT-Delhi does its best to help all students in their studies. “Before they enter IIT-Delhi, SC/ST students receive coaching in Physics, Chemistry and Maths. At the end of every semester and sometimes in the middle of semesters we monitor the progress of all students.”

The institute had in fact lowered the benchmark for SC/ST students. The 12 students who complain of harassment refused to speak on camera but said they and the 500 other SC/ST students of IIT-Delhi would be forced to take to the streets if the commission fails to help them.

A very hearty congratulations to IIT-Delhi for taking this bold step in the right direction. It was obvious that the expelled "students" who belonged to the reserved category would surely approach the SC/ST commission.
IIT- Delhi, according to the recent survey by the India Today magazine, is rated as the best IIT in the country. Hence, anybody who under performs in such an institute of excellence must rightly be expelled. The excuse cited out, that the "victimised" students were "forced" to take part in extra-curricular activities and hence could not concentrate is absolute bull shit. What these quota guys do not understand is that they are not supposed to take the life at IIT at ease. They hold everything at ransom and simply chill. If these quota guys, who are not in IITs and IIMs owing to their merit but because of their birth, think that they can do what they feel like doing, they are pretty much wrong.
Good that the IITs expel such incompetent students. Being an engineer myself from a government college(though not an IIT), I know pretty much well the competence level of those "intellectual" guys who enter through quotas.
Why dont these SC/ST guys also see that a few general students have also been expelled?? It is because of these lazy idiots that the name of the entire institute is spoiled.

An open Letter to Col. Kirori Lal Bainsla

Dated: 13^th June, 2008

Respected Sir,

Of late, the developments that have taken place in Rajasthan are of a very serious and grim nature. It gives me excessive pain to see that the Gujjar community has resorted to such large scale violence in the entire north India, in general, and the state of Rajasthan, in particular.

Railway and state government property has been terribly ransacked, and to use the term, sabotaged. It has created a terrible law and order problem in the otherwise peaceful state of Rajasthan. It is incredible to believe that the Gujjars have made such an adamant demand to the state government.

Let us sit down and see why I do not agree with your demand that the Gujjars should be accorded the status of the Scheduled Tribes (STs) and treated at par with the other powerful community, the Meenas.

If we turn the pages of history and look backwards, we can trace the origin of the Gujjars and see how they came to India.

Origin:

The Gurjaras are believed to have appeared in northern India about the time of the Huna invasion. It is believed that when they came to India, their original name “Gujar” got sanskritized to “Gurjara”. It is a well-established fact that the Gujjars originated from Gurjistan, which today, is known as Georgia (Mark the similarity in their pronunciation). Certain works by a few historians also suggest that the Germans are also, typically Gujjars.

The Gujjars were a very prosperous community in India. Prosperous to the extent, that they were the rulers in almost the entire of western and northern parts of present day India. For some, their kingdoms even extended to Pakistan and some parts of Afghanistan.

The Gurjara-Pratihara kingdom is a classic example to attest this point. It is well established that at the time of King Harshvardhana, when the Chinese traveler Huien Tsang visited India, he did also visit some of the Gurjara Kingdoms. These are well documented in his memoirs of India. Here he describes about the kingdom of Su-la-cha (modern day Saurashtra). It may interest you to know that even the modern day state of Gujarat is named after the Gurjaras. Several of the Rajputs trace their origin to the Gujjar community. Agnikula Rajputs are a case in point. Along with them, the Paramars and Solankis have also been established to have been Gujjars.

Thus, it is well documented that the Gujjars essentially were of the Kshatriya clan, for they identified themselves as the Rajputanas. Besides them, some Gujjars have even been identifies as Brahmins. For example, the Gaurs and Gaekwads of central India. Yes, it is also true that many Gujjars had to embrace Islam unwillingly during the Muslim conquest of India, when the barbaric Muslims converted them to Islam at the blade of the sword.

During the freedom struggle of India from the clutches of the British, the Gujjars made handsome contributions. There were several Gujjars who laid down their lives for the freedom of our beloved motherland, Bharat Mata. As a result, the British, wrongfully though, classified the Gujjars as a criminal tribe and meted out strict punishment to them.

Present day crisis:

The recent violence that has been witnessed in Rajasthan and other adjoining areas has arisen due to the fact that the BJP, at the time of elections in 2003, had promised to accord the OBC status to the Jats, who, very rightly, are a very powerful community. Financially speaking, today, a large chunk of Jats are much better off than the so called “forward-castes”. Hence, providing them any kind of reservation is totally unjustified. The BJP should be rightly criticized for playing such political gimmicks. However, at the same time, Col. Bainsla, the demands made by the Gujjar community is also unjustified. The Gujjars are also a very influential community. The entire dairy sector, so to say, in northern India is under the control of the Gujjars. Hence, your violence is also largely unjustified and deserves strictest condemnation. Protest is always legitimate, but violence and destruction of the public property cannot be justified by any means. It may disappoint you, but the public has, by and large, lost faith and sympathy that it had developed during your “struggle”. How do you justify the road and rail blockades? How do you justify the stopping of medically ill people from visiting doctors? How do you say that blocking and “surrounding” Delhi is a legitimate step in the right direction? What have you gained by resorting to such a “tamasha”? More than 60 of the poor Gujjars have been killed in the police firing. Several policemen have also lost their lives. Please do not classify the dead as our and their men.

Again, do you think that by getting the reservations, the Gujjar community would advance? Almost sixty years of the Indian independence, the SCs and STs still struggle to make two ends meet.

The honourable Supreme Court had made a very remarkable observation: Nowhere except in India, do people try to get the status of being more and more backward. Tell me, for how long is it going to continue? Where would this dangerous fire of reservation stop? The politicians of this country, irrespective of which colour they adorn are all selfish people. Please do not fall into the trap of these “netas”. They look only for their interest, nobody else’s.

It is our duty to make India a superpower. Reservation is not an answer to solve the country’s problem. It only creates a short cut path to those who do not wish to work hard, yet wish to get the benefits of each and every thing. Tell me, do you think that a doctor from an SC or an ST quota would be of the same merit as a person who is from the general category? Politically, you would say yes, but even you are aware that what I say is right.

Think about it, Col. Bainsla, and let the right side of your conscience rule your mind. Please note, for how long and for how many would this political weapon of reservation continue? Make the Gujjar community strong in the true sense that this situation of demanding reservation doesn’t arise.

Yours truly,

Anurag Gupta.

Demo(n)cracy in Nepal....

A lot has been displayed and showed in the media channels on how the "corrupt" monarch of Nepal, Maharaj Gyanendra has been thrown out of his Narayanhiti Palace and has been "forced" to now lead the life of a commoner.
It is obviously good to see that democracy is initiated in our neighbouring country. But then there is no reason for the Indian media and the Left and Centre of Indian Politics to go ga-ga over this episode. The Left obviously has reasons to celebrate, for their ideological brothers have got acceptance somewhere in the world. But then, what is really a cause of concern is the fact that Nepal has turned from a "Hindu kingdom" to ostensibly a "secular" country. So long as Nepal was under a Hindu monarch, relations between India and Nepal had been very good. Now with the rise of Maoism in Nepal, hostility towards India is bound to increase.
There are three reasons why India should worry about the rise of Maoism in Nepal.
First one is the fact that with the advent of this militant "Communism", Nepal is going to get ideologically closer to China, for the dragon country is a Communist nation. Closer ties of Nepal with China would further help the Chinese govt. in encircling India with enemy nations. We all know how much Pakistan is supported by China militarily and financially. Then again, when all permanent members of the UNSC support India's entry to the Security Council, it is China that vehemently opposes that.No wonder why it is being done so.
Second reason why this development in Nepal is not good for India is the fact that the long standing agreement between the monarchy of Nepal and the Indian govt, that had taken place half a century back, is not acceptable to these Maoists, who term that as a "sell-out" of Nepal, and a blot on their nation.
What these criminals(yes this is what I call the Maoists) say is the fact that Nepal should not have entered into such a treaty. It is another matter that it is through this treaty that Nepal is able to feed its citizens.
Thirdly, with the rise of atrocities on dissedents and opponents(Maoists know these things very well), there would be huge illegal immigration into India from our very porous borders. This would further food crisis in India, both in short as well as long term.

All that can be said that although tthis day may be very good for Nepal and its people, it is surely going to be tough for we Indians. Now Nepal Maoists may start providing logistic support to the Naxalites in India. so in short, it is Demoncracy in Nepal...atleast from the Indian perspective.

Why I don’t like watching TV nowadays…

Now that I am sitting idle, having been released from my office duties, I felt it was a very good time to entertain myself by watching something in television. It hardly took some time to realize that it was not be so… almost all the channels stink!!!You can’t watch the movie channels that show cheap and rustic movies of Govinda, or some other distasteful comedy. Right since the day they started, I have avoided the Ekta Kapoor’s K-soaps, just like I have avoided booze and fag. Yes, shows like “Indian Laughter Challenge” were good, but their carbon-copies like “Comedy Circus” have been outrageously silly and nonsensical.

Did I hear you whisper news channels? Yes. I was just about to chatter about that. What do you expect to see in a news channel? Real news, I suppose. But do you really get to see that? Think. When Star News shows “Saas, bahu aur saazish”, which is nothing more than a slideshow of all the stupid soaps of Star Plus, you feel irritated. But hold on, there is more. Aaj Tak, “Desh ka Sarvashresth News Channel” shows what?? “Khali hai Bali”!!! My Foot!!!

You surf through all news channels. I bet at any instant of time, most of them would be showing grim news of some kidnapping, murder, rape, extortion, loot and what not. Yes, this reminds me of the Aarushi-Hemraj double murder case. The million dollar question is- Yes, the “kaatil” must be punished, but then who the hell has given these media channels the right to break into the privacy of the couple which has lost its only child, and worse, their credibility, their social status and consequently perhaps their source of living? Do you think one would visit Dr. Rajesh Talwar for treatment even if he is proved innocent? I bet one would think ten times before doing so.

Yes, cricket!! I wonder why I didn’t mention it earlier. Good that I talk about it at the last. I can’t understand why we Indians are just running after cricket like a bunch of mad, hungry people. True, that the IPL has generated a lot of excitement in India. T-20 is a hit. It can give a tough competition to any Bollywood masala movie. But the most ridiculous thing is, look at the way, people are treating these cricket players!! They are being treated as Gods!! Their posters are being “worshipped” by aartis!! How ridiculous!! But does any one listen? My question is, Ok fine, great that Sachin hits a ton and Ganguly scores a double century. But then, what do you gain?? They are playing for and in crores; Sachin is buying a Rs. 50 crores bungalow with his money. Sourav has opened his not so successful restaurant, what have you got? Think. Think. The answer is hidden somewhere in your conscience.

My question is, “Is cricket the only thing happening in the world?” There are so many other news items- China Earthquake, Rising Inflation and its effect on YOU (yes, that is more important to our lives than cricket) and the Indian economy in general. Remember, whether Sachin plays or Sehwag is excluded or whether Dravid is thrown out, whether Deepika Padukone is having an affair with Yuvraj or Dhoni or Ranbir, you wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would hardly better your life to know whether Kareena marries Saif or Shahid, or whether Angelina adopts 100^th child. But what directly affects our life is something that we grossly neglect, and worse, avoid it…